WHEREFORE ART THOU STUBBORN,O BELOVED?

“Where art thou , o Beloved ? Why did thou leave me  in this tempest of suffering when I needed thou the most ? Wasn’t my integrity preserved with utmost care, enough for thou to be proud? Is my purity of body, mind and soul, withheld all these years for thy disposal too much to handle ?

Where have thou disappeared ?  Thou makes all the worldly chores along with my help, but is lost somewhere in thy own world. Am I being ignored purposely or have thou moved on, leaving me where we had begun ?

I wait for a vocal conversation, where we will clear all our doubts. Come, o Dear, let me make thou free from all the things that make your life a dark pitch. The tread of our life together worries me. Where are we heading ? Have we lost the way and hindered our growth ? I wait for thy words to flow like a gushing waterfall in front of me. Allow me to be drenched in thy words. Give me that respite o Beloved, and speak, for thy silence cuts me to the core like a barbed wire.

While thou enjoys the sweetest dreams in the darkness of the night,I wait for thou to wake up with a smile and remove all the doubts. I wait for that day when all the secrets will be spoken and we will head on our journey, just the two of us.

Aren’t we two parts of a single soul? Why are we still wandering in opposite directions? I tried finding thee,o Beloved, but it looked like thou had already left the place from where we had started. The scars on thou scare me, for they affect us both.

I yearn for thy love, o Beloved, will I not get a pinch of it? I tried and oh yes I tried, to make thou happy and see a smile on thy lovely face, but alas! Thou never seemed to understand the depth of my efforts and my deepest love for thee.

Oh! And yes, how can I not speak about that lovely face that I admire? How can I not stare at it when thou is sound asleep? The face is that like of an angel, like a child sleeping peacefully, hands thrown above head as if thou has no care of the world. Those ever curious eyes that speak volumes during the day, finally take rest in the darkness of the night. And that sweet gurgling sound that thou makes, in sleep. I have lost count of the number of times I have lain awake to see this beautiful sight and hear the gurgling sound. The sound is a pleasant song to my ears.

Yes, thou is not entirely at fault. My harsh tone arising out of frustration radiated due to thou scars.

But why dost thou not understand that it is out of concern and my overwhelming desire to know more about thee and understand- else how shall we proceed with our journey? Think of me as a jackfruit, prickly from the outside while soft on the inside. Why dost thou not understand one half of your soul?

And why dost thou seem intent on changing me? Why make me a person which I cannot be? Why doesn't thou accept me unchanged like how I do with thee?

As I wait and wait for thou to be mine, I know that this perfect union is impossible. Yet I do not lose hope and stand watching the rain soothe the hot roads outside, and think of all the good times we could have, yes, just the two of us.

Journey...

…and the soul kept moving and wandering, in search of its other half, with the hope that it will unite with its mate and become one; for its union with its soulmate, who is the other half of its existence, would make it complete. The soul only knew that the search for its other half would eventually come to an end once they meet.  For the soul had the realization that they were one and not separate parts. They only had to find each other.

During its journey to find its missing part, it had found many incomplete wandering souls, and each time it thought that its missing part was found, the soul  concluded that its search was complete. But it actually happened that those incomplete pieces of souls belonged to some other missing part. If the soul really knew that it was actually searching for its other part, it should have easily recognised that the “many” souls whom it met on its way were actually searching for their soulmates. Why didn’t  the soul realise that it was trying to connect with a soul who belonged to other part? And why did the “many” other souls not realize that they too were trying to connect with the soul which rightly belonged to other incomplete soul?

Wasn’t one guess enough for the soul to recognize its other part? For only the soul should know and find its missing part. Both should fit perfectly like the two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The soul shouldn’t have spent time trying to fit with the pieces that would never fit.

The souls are at different places and it is left up to them to find their lost part. Searching for its other half is different from trying to fit with every other soul on its journey. For this journey is embarked by many souls searching for their part for its unification. Each soul should recognize its other half immediately rather than examining every soul to recognize if it belonged to itself.

And eventually when the soul finds its other half which rightly belongs to itself, won’t the scars be reflected that were caused due to its efforts to fit itself with other wandering souls?

The fact that the soul examined every other soul that it found on its journey only meant that it did not recognize its own self, for if it had, it wouldn’t have tried fitting itself with every other soul. For recognizing its other half means recognizing one’s own self.

Addendum: This was on my wordpress blog this year on 5th Feb.

Learning to accept changes - I

I read a nice novel by one of my favorite novelist Preeti Shenoy.
(Hey I got the signed copy by the author too :) thanks to flipkart) The name of the book is The Secret Wishlist. It is the story of a girl whose one silly mistake in her teenage years forces her to pay the price in what I would say is rather cruel way.
There are many women like her in our surroundings who are either denied to take up their ambitions and even simple joys.

They say that in today's world, a woman is no less than man. True. I agree. Women have proved it. In many or most cases, women, after achieving their academic goals are forced to do what their families want them to do. It mostly boils down to marriage. But in the long run, due to commitments, responsibilities, there are many little joys and things which she wanted to do but are either forgotten or are buried deep in her heart. The joys, hobbies which a woman may want to pursue may be very simple but due to commitments they get lost some where with time.
Just think of few things which you would like to do/to have done. But couldn't/cannot complete may be due to commitments/responsibilities/elders do not agree as they find it a bit weird. Hey, please do not think I am bringing some unnecessary stuff here since I wrote "elders do not agree as they find it a bit weird". If you thought like that please clear it out of your mind. I will give you an example of such thing.  Alright I will take an example from the book The Secret Wishlist since right now I am not able to come up with any example. You may have always wanted to learn some form of dance such as Salsa but you are unable to do it since elders in your family think and worry as to what the society may think. A married woman learning salsa is like a social taboo. This may sound unacceptable but in certain areas of our country and among some societies, such things are still not accepted.
Agreed, society values were created with some good intentions by our fore fathers. Some restrictions may have been imposed on women may be due to foreign invasions many centuries ago or may be due to some other reasons(unknown to me right now). These restrictions have diligently been followed for centuries without regard as to how a woman may be feeling about them (I know there are many restrictions not only on girls but on everyone. I am not discussing all of them here since this topic which I am writing is restricted to the little hobbies and joys of females.
So I was saying about restrictions. Yes, they have been "religiously" followed and are still in some parts of our country. Sometimes women are forced to follow them citing the betterment and security of women. Even though I don't follow sometimes, but I do respect the culture and traditions as they do have reasons behind them. But what is the use of some restrictions if they are strangulating people from enjoying what they want. Little joys, simple activities bring lots of happiness in one's life. So why deny them in the name of some social taboos?
I don't know if I am trying to convey what I have in my mind. People may also not like this post for "attacking" our centuries old traditions, but this has nothing to do with it. Like I said some restrictions were imposed centuries ago due to some invasions and for the protection. A little bending and allowing people to learn good things which they may want to will not create any harm.

Addendum: I had published this post on my wordpress blog on 1 Jan 2013

....Random post

I published this post on my wordpress blog on 31 december 2012

Well I always write and rewrite and then again rewrite, rephrase umpteen times before posting the write - up on this blog. I still prefer penning down my thoughts on paper once I'm satisfied with what I have written and then punching the keys instead of directly hitting the keyboard.

This time I thought I should post whatever I write on paper without rephrasing it even once. By the time I post this, it will be 2013 (pssst... It is 11.35 p.m. 2012 right now :P )

Nothing much to talk about 2012. Just want to mention that it ended on a bad note for India with people's anger overflowing in every part of the country.
The year overall was exciting,fun,boring... and on and on, just like how every year goes. Taught me many things though. What I learnt most is through observations. Taught me a lot.

I haven't been making new year resolutions for the past few years for the simple reason that I never follow them. In fact my resolution every year was NOT to keep any resolutions which I have kept so far ;) (bad joke I guess)

This year I thought I would make some resolutions. I have made a rough list. One of the resolutions is to maintain a diary to jot my random thoughts and ideas. I maintained diary many years back and wrote down diligently everyday about each day's events and happenings expressing my anger, happiness about them.
This time I want my diary to be different, not necessarily to write about daily activities but as I mentioned before, to write about whatever that comes in my mind.

There are many issues and thoughts that have been and are running in my mind. I will write about them in subsequent blog posts.
Oh yeah, let me share my other resolution with you --> Update my blog once in a while instead of once a year

Happy New Year Everyone.

Many this year bring lots of happiness, safety and prosperity in your lives!!! :)

FRIENDSHIP AND . . .

Why and how does a friendship built painstakingly over years break? Misunderstandings?? Yes! One of the major reasons. Otherwise why would anyone think of parting away from his/her best friend whom he/she trusted more than any one?

A silly incident creates so many misunderstandings that over a course of time, feeling of resentment , mistrust , negativity all pile one on top of the other until a time comes when it becomes difficult to surmount. Many attempts made to save the already or almost drowned friendship turn futile.

A time comes when both the best friends decide to walk separate paths of their own. The two friends whose friendship was an epitome for all the people around become strangers to each other; rather I would say they opt to become strangers to each other. No hellos, no smile, no sign of recognition . . .

But is it so easy to part away from your best buddy? Especially if the person is your childhood friend. . . . definitely it is no easy at all.

Behaving like a stranger is just a mere act. Deep inside it is really a difficult thing to do so. Once upon a time the two people for whom the world around them didn’t matter when they were engrossed  in their own little talk become strangers to each other.

What went wrong , who started it all is not that important than knowing the feeling a person may get after breaking his friendship. It is said that time heals every wound. True! But to what extent? Both the friends (I mean who were once upon a time the best friends) get accustomed to living without each other as the time passes. But one fine day, at a regular hangout place,  you notice two or three best friends busy in their own little dialogue and nothing else seems to bother them except each others’ company. Your mind starts wandering to the time when you and your best friend were the same. Time, surrounding, crowd didn’t matter to you’ll except the silly conversations which seemed so important at that time. And you wonder… silly things do happen every time. Neither of us was at fault. I should have forgiven my friend. But was there any serious issue so  as to forgive? The only mistake being misunderstandings should have been cleared right away at that time. The times spent with each other discussing every little thing.. wasn’t it more important than the little misunderstanding that cropped up? How could such a silly thing destroy everything in one go?

Then you wonder, can all those days come back after such a long passage of time?

True, both the people move on with their respective  lives. But can things change between them? Can’t it all be reversed back?

People will have different opinions with regards to this post. I don’t feel I have written a very good article, I tried writing the way thoughts came one after the other. I might have mixed up few things and one line may have contradicted the other one. Also grammatical errors and spelling mistakes if any are regretted :)

And before any one asks me through the comment if I’m writing this from personal experience let me tell you before hand that isn’t true. :) Most of the time we hear songs and quotes praising friendship. I thought of having a look from a different angle.

Critical comments on my style of writing are always welcome since it will help me to improve on my writing.

Addendum: I published this post on my wordpress blog on 16 August 2011

LONELINESS AND MIND

The other day I was alone at home in the evening taking some rest. I was feeling really lonely at that time. I don’t know the reason for it. Suddenly a spark ignited in my mind and I kept wondering – Is loneliness a state of our mind?
Thus the thoughts started flowing in mind one after the other. But the question still remained unanswered – Is loneliness a creation of our mind? Does our mind create the concept of loneliness?
Imagine yourself that you  wake up one morning only to find that you are in a very different place where there are no human beings; neither there are any other kind of living creatures or anything; just a deserted place. And you know you would be there for heaven knows how long. Wouldn’t you feel lonely? The answer is Yes!! Anyone would feel lonely and agitated in such a place. But now imagine that you are in a very beautiful place such as Shimla or any hill station or beautiful hills; but with the same condition that there won’t be any human habitation. You walk alone along the rarely or never travelled paths, climb hills , walk through the pine forests… Given  this beauty of nature would you feel lonely?
Do we always  need living beings for not being lonely? I agree man is a social being and society is one of THE most important needs of a human being.
But in this today’s busy world, despite of being surrounded by people, despite the laughter  and joys we share, despite a nice chat with your close friend over coffee, at the end of the day we do feel lonely. And why  is that ? This question is still pricking my mind ever since it cropped in my mind.
And with this loneliness comes dreary thoughts. We know that empty mind is a devil’s workshop. This devil enters your mind stealthily when you are alone and you have nothing to do.
The best solution is very simple and has been repeated umpteen times by everyone-keep your mind preoccupied and keep yourself busy. Yes!! That’s the solution.
But the question is still scratching my mind – is loneliness really an illusion which is created by our mind??
What I feel is Loneliness comes in when you have no one to turn to when you really need some one to share your thoughts with. A crowd cannot wipe your loneliness neither can you be lonely when you are all alone in a deserted place.
I don’t know whether what I want to convey to readers has been comprehended by them.  Its just that a thought struck me and kept me guessing and I tried my best to put it in words.
NOTE: I thank my friend Punks for APPROVING this post. I was in two minds whether to publish it or not. Punks read this and gave me encouragement to publish it.  Also I thank Nandita for encouraging  me to continue writing. Thanks Nands for appreciating my previous blog..  :)

Addendum :  I published this post on wordpress blog on 17 June 2011.

ANOTHER BLOG

Another rainy day. It has been raining continuously since morning. The greenery has spread everywhere now that the rainy season is in full swing. Nature has always captivated my attention whether it is a beach or a tree. Or take a simple flower. Observe it minutely and you will admire its beauty . And if you are a science student who is interested in biology then you will admire the way its different parts work and co-ordinate with each other. And then you will realize its value.
I like to watch the way the animals interact with each other and particularly their survival instincts that they show on Discovery channel or Nat Geo . Marine life is so vast. I remain spellbound when I watch it on the television and long to see the beauty of nature with my own eyes. Truly, there are so many beautiful things to witness on this planet earth. I long to watch at least a few things. There are so many things to see besides nature too. I love to go places and confine the memories permanently in my mind. If I get a chance I’ll love to visit the North Western states.
Well it is still raining continuously and looks like it’s going to rain forever…Yeah!! And I have nothing else to do except watch the rain J Blogging has become kind of an addiction for me. Whenever I am free I switch on my PC and start writing blogs. I love to do this activity. My new hobby you can say..:)
Right now at this moment I feel like doing multiple things. I wana blog, read a book and even feel like driving car in this rain.. hahahah (or should I say multitasking? ;))