Amateurish

Note: ATOZ Challenge

Theme: "Finding Myself - Living My Life"

Caution: Free Write

Amateurish

So now what would you call a 20 something who wants to improve her writing by writing about herself throughout April? A learner? A student?

Even after completing my education and a stint with job for some period of time, I will say I haven’t learnt much( read anything) about life. I am an adult who is still trying to figure out what is going on around, taking my own time, and deciding how to live my life. “Lost Soul”, you may think I am. But No! I would have lived my  life like everybody else. Get up in the morning, go to office, work for odd hours, return home, routine etc. But now that I have time in hand, I wish to know more about myself and figure out roads unexplored. To be specific, the road left unexplored for me to walk on. What is that something different that I wish to seek? Well, I am still learning.

I am quiet; doesn’t mean my brain is silent. There is continuous music and dancing of thoughts that goes on like forever. It keeps me awake at night, doesn’t allow me to sleep. It makes me depressed with events going around, but cheers me up at the next moment at the sight of my favorite person. It loses its way and saddens, and then brightens up again when it knows it has to achieve goals which will make people wonder, “Man, I knew this person would do wonders and defy everyone. This person was destined to do that”. Am I boasting about myself? Not at all. Just noting down my amateurish ideas in a free write. I love to write down my thoughts, and what better platform than this challenge where I want my readers watch me seek my goals of life.

Fly like a bird without a care in the world. How will I do that? Let me learn it along the way in 26 days. 26 Days of my Self Discovery with you people as witnesses!!

I wish to be Amateur at heart. That way, thirst to learn more won’t stop, and will let me explore more paths. But the path I seek, is yet to be found, and find it, I will.

Am I doing something wrong by going against the norms and society rules? Are my amateurish ways of learning something that I like bad? Is doing something that makes you happy and content wrong? Why do I care? After few years, I do not want to complain that I missed doing this and missed doing that.

I will let my ways and ideas flow. Do not stop me. At the same time, do not abandon me! Free spirited that I am, let me be “Me”. Hold me in case I fall.

What is that “Amateurish” skill that I wish to master? I am seeking :)

A TO Z Challenge Theme Reveal

 My maiden attempt with a blogging challenge hasn't been as exciting this. This is the first ever blogging challenge that I am undertaking so far. (I have successfully completed self challenge of blogging everyday in the month of December 2015.) A TO Z challenge is a public platform where I will get to connect with my fellow bloggers and expect to meet new ones.

Attaching a theme to the challenge is such a creative idea. I wouldn't have thought that writing an article by thinking of a word with every alphabet of the English language would also have another level to it; a Theme. Very creative for us bloggers who can hone our skills and get our grey cells to work better.

Being the first attempt to showcase my writing to wider audience and self improvement, I felt why not write on a theme that helps myself? After all, they say, your blog is your own reflection. It tells stories to people from your viewpoint.

My theme is for myself and I wish it will help other people too. And here is my Theme:

"Finding Myself - Living My Life"

The writing will be free writing where I on my own wish to improve everyday. It will have an ode, letter, struggle and everything that life has to offer. 

The theme is a combo of the two titles - one decided by myself and the other one suggested by Richa; thanks for that girl!!

Come and live with my ideas all this month. I wish you reader will enjoy and devour every word I write. I will be happy and think my efforts paid if I get more ideas from you as readers.

Why Am I Taking up #ATOZ Challenge

Though I am not proud of it, I would shout from the roof top that I am a big time procrastinator. Those who have been regularly reading my blog, will now bang their head at the mention of me being a procrastinator since I have written about it umpteen times ;)

Instead of calling myself a blogger, I would first like to call myself a writer who has immense love for writing.( Doesn’t bother me whether I am good at it or not. Atleast I make efforts to improve with each writing). Passion for writing has been mentioned in one of my old posts HERE. My writing was limited to my diaries and notebooks. It came out once in a while in competitions. People said I write better than the most. In sixth grade, I prided myself by being self- proclaimed poet since I had tried my hand at poems on nature. A handful of articles and poems got published in local dailies. Writing took a side step as years passed.

I discovered blogging, but there too, my writing was exposed to few of my friends who read my blog posts (Read who were “forced” to read :D ) It was way back in 2008. I didn’t know that I had to market it so that people could read. My main focus with blogging was to showcase my writing to the public which was hiding in some corner of the closet. The year 2008 was my brief stint with blogging and here are two of them which I wrote like a novice. Read THIS .

Again, due to other commitments, though I had time, I kept myself away from blogging, and more so, writing. To be frank, confidence level went down in the years that came since there was an “era” of demoralisation. Still, I wrote an article or two in my blog, and that was it.

Now having time for myself, I felt I should pursue the long lost habit. Nothing can keep me more engrossed than writing my thoughts on a piece of paper. The word processor has taken over since last year. (Don’t you think I should call myself a typer instead of a writer now? :) )

So I wish to showcase my writing to the people at large so that I can get useful tips from them for improving. I got exposure a few months back when I actively participated in Blogchatter. The platform aims at bringing the bloggers together. In the journey I came across many bloggers who are willing to help on their own for you to grow as a blogger. Some which who deserve the mention are Richa and Chandni who take interest in my blog and help out.

I had heard in 2015 about this ATOZ Challenge post April. This year I was toying with the idea whether to take the challenge. I had taken up self challenge in December 2015 to blog everyday so that I could get back to blogging. And boy was I happy. I successfully completed the task that I had taken up.

#ATOZ will provide me a platform to get to know more bloggers whom I can learn from and where my writing can be showcased. I came to know that people set up a theme and write based on it. I wish to read more blogs with themes so that I get more ideas and venture into different forms of writing of my own. I wish to get advice from passionate bloggers around the globe for my betterment and in turn read words to know what people think around the world. I will get to learn new topics and ideas. Hence the #ATOZ Challenge. 

Are you with me?

Sweet Dreams

Well, how many times have you dreamt in your sleep? Odd question to ask, isn’t it? Everyone dreams. Some may say, they don’t. It is just that they do not remember what they were dreaming in their sleep. I had read once that everyone dreams in their sleep and may or may not remember it when they wake up.

So what do you dream about? Something that bothers you, sweet dreams, bad dreams, horrible dreams. But have you ever found or dreamt something exquisite and forgotten when you woke up? It has happened with me many times. And every time I have been upset since I couldn’t remember what it was.

Once I remember there was a wonderful poetic composition that had struck me in my dream. At that time, I was high on writing poems; the habit that I lost as time passed. But I still remember trying in vain to remember the words of the poem. I just knew that it was a beautiful composition.

There have been other times when I had come up with amazing topics to write about in my dreams which I tried hard to remember.

I chose to write on this topic because there was a wonderful topic that had struck me today in my dream. And as usual, I am still trying to remember what the topic was. ( You see, even in my dreams, I cannot stop thinking about writing :D )

They say dreams have the power of their own. Sometimes, you find solutions to your problems in your dreams. Sometimes you get unusual dreams. I have tried finding answers to several problems in my dreams. Not that I have been successful anytime, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking and relating dreams with reality. And I still wait in vain for the day I will remember the poem that I had written in my dreams.

I want to take my blog to the next level #Blogchatter

I was tagged by Lancelot  to write this post.

Surprised with the title since it came from a big time procrastinator? Well, yes. I want to take my blog to the next level.

Having said that, now let me tell you the reality. I have had enough time thinking about “when” to write instead of “what” to. Topics are many. More than I can handle in a month. The deadlines I set for myself are of no use. Having heard about “Taking Your Blog To The Next Level” from BlogChatter community, I thought I should be a part of it. Alright let me advertise a bit about BlogChatter in a sentence or two. In my own words, it is a platform that encourages you to take your blog to the next level from where it stands right now by giving you tricks and trades and holding many discussions. Just a little bit of your interest is enough for BlogChatter to take interest in your blog. And yes, unlike many things in the world that promise you this and that, this platform does help you in every possible way.

So what is my idea of taking my blog to the next level? Just keep writing, even if it means a simple sentence. I had taken a challenge myself that I would write everyday in December 2015. And yes, with support from BlogChatter community and support from everyone, I successfully completed the challenge. Although I am not a very active member in the community, I do keep checking the discussions now and then.

So yes! I want to take up my blog to the next level by incorporating many changes in my blog. I haven’t thought about what I would like to change. Quality changes are what I aspire.

So will you help me to take my blog to the next level?

I now tag Saurabh to write his take on the topic.

I want to take my blog to the next level with Blogchatter.

Break Loose, Break Free....

I have always been a free willed person hiding behind the maze of ideologies built by society. Now is the time to break loose, to break free.

One day I will break free from shackles of the society that have been holding me for long. Living the life to please others has long gone. I have seen people in my life trying to fulfill the wishes of others and never got a chance to live the way they wanted. Life just moved on. And did they do what they have always wanted to? No. They never got a chance. When I thought about this, I realised that I wouldn’t want to live like them. Yes of course, I do admire them. They are my idols, I have learnt how to fight for myself from them. But I do not wish to repent after few years that I never got the chance to live my life. I do not want to say “If only…”

One day I will stop thinking what people think about me. If I know I am right, that is enough for me. One Day I will learn to say “No” to every individual, young and old, if I feel it is the correct thing to do.

I want to learn many things in life. Age is not the limit for that. But the will is. One day I will stop doing things just to make someone happy which in turn make me unhappy.

One day I will live the life of my dreams and inspire other people to do the same. And that One Day begins NOW…!!!!

Questions, questions…….

Note: This is an article written in first person. Many women feel like asking but never ask some of the questions I have raised here.

Yes I am a woman! Who was born from a woman. Who will give birth to men and women. I have had this urge to speak since long. Never got a chance to tell openly. So here I am.

I am not asking for reservation or special rights. Neither am I asking to be treated as equals. I am not asking for anything. I am not demanding. I won’t shout slogans in public regarding the atrocities that I have faced. I have always remained silent about them.

I just need answers for some things which I am not able to find answers.

Why am I shunned away from everything every month? I know it will have some ancient significance. Our ancestors must have developed it for my benefit. But as time evolved, it became so rigid that religion was attached to it. I am not allowed to move freely in the house. I am told not to touch anything. No one is taking care of me when I get sudden spasms. I am sitting in deep corner of the house and provided food twice daily. How are children born then, I ask? Won’t you touch my children? Just like how I am not allowed to touch things in the house, will it be fine with you if I don’t let you touch my children? It is a fair deal, isn’t it? You speak of donation and giving food to the needy. I am glad you do that. I wholeheartedly support the cause. There are children who stay hungry and eat from the dustbins. But then, am I making you impure by moving around? If you do not agree with my ideas of modern society, is it fair that I should listen to you? If you do not want to change with time, then why are you dragging me to the past with your ideas? Just like how you have your way of living, I have mine too. Why am I forced to live the way you want if you don’t like the way I live? Did I force you to be the way I want? Then why are you after me?

Then there are things told to me that I should behave like a girl. I behave like a human. Isn’t it enough? I dress, eat and do everything decently. What is your idea of behaving like a girl, will you please explain?

I was told I cannot play football or drive a car because it is a man’s job. What will you do when there is some emergency in the house and the man of the house are not present? Will you wait for them to arrive?

I was told that even if I have a string of degrees attached to me which provided me with wisdom besides the knowledge, I should not protest if what elders say is wrong. Hey wait a minute. I believe in respecting people who have good ideologies whether young or old. I won’t hesitate to bow infront of a person who is younger than me as long as he/she has done something which he/she deserves respect for. I do not bow doesn’t mean I disrespect. I have other ways of showing respect. I just heard that an elder disrespected someone for no reason. Does that elder deserve respect just because he is an elder? A man younger than me helped a girl and dropped her home while an elder was seen discussing how indecent it was. Wouldn’t you have taken help if you were in distress? So who deserves respect? The younger one who selflessly helped the girl or the elder who gave a lecture about how bad it was of that girl to take help from that young man?

Married woman are told to act like married. What is the definition of married woman? Stop laughing and move around the house with trays? A lady was sitting on a sofa discussing current affairs with men while other ladies were discussing how indecent it was for her to discuss with man instead of being in the kitchen with them. Oh and yea, I heard that a married woman was told that wearing a tshirt was a big taboo.

Pink is for girls and blue for guys? Well, I love black. Is that a problem? And I prefer the deepest blue tshirts. So did I turn into a guy?

Do I need to waste my life pleasing others? Did I disrespect you because I wear what I like? There are many woman I heard who dress according to the “norms” of the society and have mentality which is fit to be called a “narrow-minded” mentality.

A woman entered her friends’ house and saw both man and woman doing cooking and cleaning and the laundry. Word was spread in the society that her friend made her husband do housework. They never knew that both husband and wife were helping and sharing the housework. By the time the news reached the other colony, it was concluded that the woman was making her husband clean the house and that the man was weak because he was seen cleaning the dishes.

In some other colony in some distant city, people were making fun of a couple because they didn’t employ a servant to do the cleaning of the house. They didn’t know that the couple preferred doing things on their own. The couple was labelled “stingy”.

A woman was the talk of the town in some village since she employed a cook and servant for her house. The village ladies concluded that the husband had to eat food prepared by a cook while the lady of the house was having gala time. The woman was actually busy researching about doing business for her benefit and didn’t have much time. Her husband supported her.

I thought it is high time that I should travel alone. Then this famous dialogue came up “ Akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai.” Damn!!! Here goes…

I have lived my life pleasing others and it is high time that I break from shackles and live a life on my own terms. Hey, do I need your permission for that too?

Writer’s Block Or Laziness?

Well, some writer’s experience this condition where they can no longer think they can write more. In other words, ( this is from my experience) even if you have idea what to write about, you do not find the write words and sentences. You are in a bottle-neck condition where the words do not flow. Yes I experience it many times.

I not know the cause for this condition. People who have experienced this will know better. As for me, laziness strikes more than the writer’s block. “I will do it later” is the motto, even though I hate it. I have been bragging about this since long and not able to recover from it. Can somebody help me with this? Do message in comments how this can be resolved.

Anyone volunteering to help me bring on track? :D Do comment!!

WHO AM I?

Standing in the midst of nowhere, without a proper frame of mind and tangled in the worldly chores which I am keen to run away from, I ask myself this question - Who Am I?

What is my identity? Just a name attached to me which I am proud of? Or is there something more that describes me?

Who am I? I ask again. A degree attached which will fetch me a job, is this my identity? Or is it my interest that describes me?

In this world full of responsibilities and competition, I seem to have lost what I have had. I spent my life trying to please others without giving a thought about my identity. Weary and dreaded, I no longer have the strength to carry the stuff that I am expected. I now wish to live my life and search answer to this question - “ Who am I?” Hence I am here. In the middle of nowhere, no idea what to do, but determined to find an answer to this question that had been pricking in my mind for long.

I will now head on my journey to find the answer. Where will I find it? In the depth of my mind. Try out things and know what I like. I might falter, I might fall. But there is no way I will let people dictate me to do things that will pull me down. It is high time I find answer to this question - ”Who am I?” “What is my identity?”

Answer is lying in depth of my trying.

This post is in response to the BlogChatter prompt "Who Am I"

Be My Guest!!

You are cordially invited to explore the realm and depth of my mind. The invitation was made after I realised that some aspects of my conversation were misunderstood and a different conclusion was drawn from the words which were spewed out of frustration. They meant nothing, not even close to the conclusion that was drawn after they were uttered. Hence the invite.

You will be allowed to delve as much as you like and for as long as you want to understand the real motive of my words. Besides, you will have freedom to explore much more than searching for the motive. You will get an opportunity to explore other landscapes where thoughts, emotions, ideas keep brewing every second.

The purpose of the invite is obvious. You will get to know the real meaning of emotions and thoughts which I might have failed to convey (might?? Surely I failed to convey, hence this open invite to one and all) in my speech with you. You will get to know the real self, transparent and frank and what complex processes go in the mind. You will also understand why I fail to convey the real emotions; lack of words forming in mind, fear that I will hurt someone etc. Oh and yes! You will also be able to understand the fear that develops in one corner of mind due to which words uttered are very different than the thoughts. Be careful while exploring. All the things present in the mind, the new and old, are all interlinked. It is like a spider’s web. Do not get tangled. Just be calm and explore and try to figure out to solve the puzzle.

So what will be the significance of this exercise, you ask? Simple!! It is an attempt to make people understand my real self and thoughts and to stop them from making assumptions. Yes, yes!! I agree. I understand your doubt. You ask again, why don’t I make an effort to convey my real thoughts instead of uttering something which misleads people. Valid question! You see, the fear of hurting anyone is so real and big that things go awry. And there are many things which we will not delve into. So I thought why not throw an open invite to people so they get an opportunity to know and understand the real “Me”.

Now you ask, how to jump in my mind? Simple, I have invited you to explore my mind. How you will do that is easy. Just spend some time listening to me with an open mind. And yes, you ask again. What is the guarantee that I won’t mess up with the words and once again like always convey something else. I give you my guarantee, I will tell every little detail as long as you are ready to listen to what I have to say. I have prepared myself to tell you everything. There will be no goof ups. I have had enough listening to wrong opinions about me that I finally thought I should explain myself. But only if you are ready to accept things without making assumptions.

I wouldn’t want to waste my time either if you are going to draw same old conclusions. So make sure to come with a clean mind.

Note: This article is linked to the Blogchatter prompt of the week "Be My Guest!"