Broken Soul

Do read these posts before if you haven't.

1. Loneliness And Mind (Although this is not a part of the series, I would like you to read this too)
2. Journey
3. Wherefore Art Thou Stubborn, o beloved?
4. The Struggle Within

It started again just like it had long ago. Feeling of being neglected and loneliness.

Wounds from the past ran deep within. They didn't heal, they wouldn't. They weren't raw, but could open up if anything triggered. So they lay there, bare, waiting to be opened.

No! Do not be mistaken. They aren't the ones of a heartbreak. How could they be of heartbreak since her “thou”, her Prince, came much later in her life. They were the wounds seared permanently on her mind by the people, by the so called “near and dear ones”. Ridiculed, mocked, and discouraged that she, the Princess was, she learnt to live life on her own. Only the King, her father, knew her well, unlike the others.

Heartbroken though she was, because of insults from everyone, her spirit never faltered. Because she knew King always believed in her. But The Queen, her mother, did she? Scores of people needed the Queen’s attention. So here she was, The Princess, facing the ordeals  bestowed upon her by the society. No! She wouldn't tell The King! She would bury the insults deep in her mind, and believe that she was an ugly duckling, and good for nothing princess, as told to her by all. The King shouldn't feel offended, why should he be worried because of her problems? He would ask her if she had any problem. Yes! He is the King. He had to know everything. But she would smile and say, “I have all that I want and also what  I don't  want. You have given me everything. What problem will I ever have?” She said this by avoiding direct eye contact, because she knew The King had an eye for details. So The King was happy. He gave her the world. She was the apple of his eyes. At one end she listened to “words of wisdom” from people while at the other end showed her smiling face to The King.

She continued avoiding people for if she was in a group, they would throw taunts. The Queen believed them. People were ruthless. Did not leave an opportunity to point finger at her. “Why did they do it?”, she still wonders. How could anyone ruin childhood by discouraging a growing up kid? The “truth and facts” that people fed her was that she is good for nothing, ugly princess who doesn't have a place in this world for success. She would cry silently at night when all slept.

So she strived hard to make The King happy. And happy he was with her progress. And then suddenly it happened. The King went to a place he would never come back from. She was perturbed. She couldn't find The King. She searched everywhere, but The King was no where to be seen. “It wasn't fair”, she said.

So here she was, all alone and on her own; vulnerable to people and their comments. She went into a shell and raised her guards lest she suffers.

Time moved ahead and she chose to stay in her own small world where no one could enter. Time and often, she would get disturbing dreams. She kept it hidden from the world. Why should she tell everyone?

And then one day, she met her “thou”. And she was overjoyed, and happy after what seemed like ages. No one, yes, no one would ridicule her like before. She was happy because thou would take care of her. But it was as if she was cursed to live on her own, in seclusion. Thou didn't  know why she was the way she was. Thou didn't want to understand her, or so it seemed. Loneliness crept in again.

“I am vulnerable, I am a broken soul, but thou doesn't seem to understand. Wherefore art thou stubborn, o Beloved? I worship you. And  I never lose hope.  I am waiting alone, in this weary and dreary journey, my old wounds are open and I feel the pain. The deep dark memories haunt me again. A broken soul, who tried to gather bits and pieces to face the world, now lies vulnerable again.”