Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The Struggle Within

Note: Please read this first if you haven't yet by clicking -> ME

I am torn apart because of thee. I feel as if I am walking on a tightrope. I call thou, o beloved, to help me tread the rough path, but thou does not respond. Thou told me to go alone and find my own path; how could I do it without thee?All the people on both side of the mountain ask me, “All well?” “Aye, I am well”, is my reply. my mouth lies,my eyes lie. “Naa! I ain’t well, I will be well with thou and thou alone”. But thou doesn’t seem to understand. My eyes search the crowd to get thou glimpse. But why can’t thou be seen?

I didn’t want to tread this path. I wanted to hold thou hand and go with thee. I love seeing thou smile, as sweet and cute as that of an innocent child. It brightens my life, and I get an overwhelming urge to hug thee. But thou keeps thyself restrained from me.

I am not given any balancing pole, I have to use my hands to balance on the tightrope. “It is too hard”, I said, thou told to go ahead alone whether I liked it or not. I told thou, “this isn’t what I  want, I want to be with thee and I like it when thou helps me in everything”, but thou thought I am too lazy and pushed my limits. I was pushed until my strength was tested and out came nothing but just the hurt within. It tore apart the very existence of our being together. I knew this would happen, didn’t I warn thou many times? Let me try my own things which thou feel are childish, I ask thee to let me be on my own. I will go nowhere but come back to thee, and only thee when I need help. But thou is too harsh. Why? I wonder.  Why is thee caring with everyone except me?

I do not wish to walk on the tightrope, yet I am standing, and maintaining my balance, lest I fall down. I do not wish to cross paths for which I have no liking. Why doesn’t thou understand? Why do I have to take thy rebuke every time when thou has so many faults ?

It is rough path, o beloved, if you make it difficult for me. Just listen to what I have to say, I am going through intense internal struggle. I wish to speak with thou, and not continue this tightrope battle which I have no interest in. Tell me everything, I told thou before, allow me to clear thou of all thy sorrows. Thou feels the sorrows are because I create them. Though doesn’t want to clear the mind and speak to me as thy friend.

Do speak, o beloved, I have been waiting for this conversation forever. Come and hold my hand and take me away from this tightrope forever. Allow me to gather my pieces back again and make me the person that I was. Help me, o beloved thee, let me be me.