Turbulence

In the midst of nowhere I sit, brooding. Brooding over what? Oh, wait a second. Am I brooding? Or am I happy? Or do I have no reaction at all? What have I turned into? Don’t I have any opinion ? Yes, I do. But it is lost somewhere. Lost in the depths of turmoil of my mind. Where is it? I search. And I cannot find it even in the umpteenth attempt. So I wait, no I sit. With no reaction and no opinion. And in silence.

Wait, I can see some light coming from the end of the tunnel. A slight faint dot of white..? or is it yellow light? Whatever the colour of the light.. who cares? As long as it is light. And then it vanishes again. And I sit in darkness again. Then I visualise things of the past. And then I am back in present in an instance. I say “Think of the future, that is what will take you towards your goal.” But what’s my goal? Oh ghoshh! Did I forget that too? What have I become? All the things I worked for to achieve it. Where are they? There are with me I suppose. Lost somewhere in the back of my mind. Why am I scared to bring them back again? Fear of something? Fear of someone? Why Oh why is all this confusion? Didn’t you have it in your mind? Why are you scared? Whom are you scared of? Don’t you have an identity of your own?

And I sit again, in darkness. I sleep.

I wake up. I am told I will be able to cross the tunnel and witness the light. Freedom. I realise later that it wasn’t what was said. What was said was that I will have to sit in this darkness forever. So I sleep again, because it is the best way to escape reality.

And I wake up. I know I will go and witness the light shining at the end of the tunnel. But when? And then I realise that I have to break away from the shackles that have been holding me. Why did I let them hold me? I am the master of myself, and my soul.

The Realisation Phase: Yes. I have realised, I am the master of myself. I was always. I just faltered and let others take hold of it.